I Carry Your Heart In My Heart
by Emily92
Summary: The fact was that they were over, and she couldn't remain lost in her memories of him. She needed to do something about it. The Office meets Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Michael/Holly.
1. fated to pretend

**Author's Notes:** I had an idea that I kind of fell in love with. A fic was born. This is definitely a story about Michael and Holly, but Andy, Kelly, Erin, and David Wallace will also make some appearances.

This was inspired by a ton of things, the most obvious one being the movie _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_. I'd also like to credit Alexander Pope's _Eloisa to Abelar, _which is where _Eternal Sunshine_ gets its title from. The title of this story comes from ee cummings' "i carry your heart with me," and each chapter is inspired by a different song lyric.

Anyway, this is a future fic. It takes place in about 2012.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own this stuff.

* * *

_i carry your heart with me(i carry it in _

_my heart)i am never without it(anywhere_

_i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done_

_by only me is your doing,my darling)_

- "i carry your heart with me" by ee cummings

xxx

_No, fly me, fly me, far as pole from pole;_

_Rise Alps between us! and whole oceans roll!_

_Ah, come not, write not, think not once of me,_

_Nor share one pang of all I felt for thee._

_Thy oaths I quit, thy memory resign;_

_Forget, renounce me, hate whate'er was mine._

_Fair eyes, and tempting looks (which yet I view!)_

_Long lov'd, ador'd ideas, all adieu!_

- _Eloisa to Abelar _by Alexander Pope

* * *

**I Carry Your Heart in My Heart**

_We were fated to pretend._

- "Time to Pretend" by MGMT

Holly desperately wanted to give all of her heart to AJ. In the three years that they had been together, he had never failed to be a caring person and overall good man. They had been married for a year. He was so dedicated to her, always trying to show her how much he loved her. She would never fail to be surprised at how sweet he could be. And she loved him; she truly did. But it wasn't enough. She didn't love AJ nearly as much as he loved her.

She loved AJ to an extent, but her heart belonged to someone else. There was a certain other man whom she couldn't forget about it. And she was ashamed; she was ashamed that AJ was so dedicated to their relationship - to their marriage - and she couldn't feel the same way. She had tried and tried, tried with all of her might to forget the other man who kept creeping into her thoughts. She pretended to love AJ as much as he loved her, but she knew that wasn't enough. AJ deserved more than that.

With that in mind, she had called and made an appointment for herself. At first she had been skeptical of the Lacuna Clinic and the procedure they offered. She wondered how safe it was; she wondered if it would really work. Could anything truly erase him from her mind? She had been hemming and hawing, but finally she decided to just do it. She was so tired; she had reached her limit. She couldn't keep thinking about him. For all she knew, he had moved on. Maybe he was married, too. The Scranton Branch had been shut down a few years before, so he had probably gotten a new job and had the opportunity to meet new people. Maybe he had fallen in love with one of them. The fact was that they were over. She couldn't remain lost in her memories of him; she couldn't keep putting something of the past in front of her husband.

So she had called the clinic and had scheduled herself an appointment. After the procedure was over, she would have absolutely no recollection of Michael Scott.

She heard the door open. AJ was home. She couldn't remember why, but they had ended up taking separate cars to work that morning. On the way home after work, he had called her cell phone: he was having car troubles and would probably get to the house later. Now, later had arrived. Here he was.

He entered the front room and saw her sitting on the couch.

"Hi, hun," he said as he sat down next to her.

"Hey," she said softly. Soon, she wouldn't remember Michael anymore. Soon, she would be able to love him like he loved her. Soon, things would be better.

"So what time do you leave for that trip to corporate tomorrow?"

The business trip. Funny that she had almost forgotten about it, as it was an essential part of her plan. She was going on a two day seminar at the corporate office in New York. After the first day of proceedings, she would have the procedure done. She would wake up in her hotel room the next morning and have no recollection whatsoever of Michael Scott.

"Sarah and I are leaving around two, but I have an appointment first."

That was a lie. There was no appointment; she had to stay home and gather anything that might trigger a memory of Michael. She had been putting off doing this particular step, but it was essential that she did it before the procedure was performed.

AJ was quiet for a few moments and then asked hesitantly, "Is it with Doctor Smith?"

Doctor Smith. Her OB/GYN. They were trying to conceive, to have a baby and expand their family. Or at least, AJ thought they were. The truth was she had never stopped taking her birth control. She loved any future child of hers far too much to bring them into a relationship that she wasn't fully committed to.

It had been awhile since they had started trying, or rather since Holly had started lying to AJ about it. She couldn't bring herself to tell him she didn't want to have a baby with him right now because she wasn't sure she could spend the rest of her life with him. So she deceived him. He though that they were having trouble getting pregnant. He thought that was why she had been distant and sad recently.

It practically broke her heart to lie to him like this.

"Um, yeah," she lied, "Another checkup."

He squeezed her hand, "Do you want me to be there?"

"No. But thank you."

"I know this is hard. All the waiting, the negative tests…I know it isn't easy, Holly. And I can't promise you the outcome that we both want so badly, though I wish more than anything that I could. But I'll always be here for you, throughout all of it."

What was wrong with her? How could she not love this man with every fiber of her being?

And then she was crying, but not for the reasons he thought she was. A sob left her chest. But there was only one more day of pretending left. One more day, and she would forget about Michael. One more day, and she and AJ would live happily ever after. She wouldn't have to pretend anymore.


	2. lose yourself

_What if you lose yourself sometimes?_

_Then I'll be the one to find you, safe in my heart._

- "Giving Up" by Ingrid Michaelson

Holly sighed. It was no wonder that she had been putting this off. She had just finished the task of gathering up everything in her life that pertained to Michael in some way, and it had been an emotionally difficult job indeed. Everything brought back memories, memories that she had tried her hardest to forget about and failed.

She glanced at the garbage back that held her Michael items. She hated the thought of parting with its contents, but it had to be done. It just did, as much as the thought of never seeing any of these things again hurt her.

She reflected on what she had put in there. There was the CD he had burnt her, complete with Rascal Flatt's "Life is a Highway." He had joked that they were going to start their own radio station one day; she would be DJ Jazzy Flax and he would be MC Mike Scott. There was anything and everything related to Dunder Mifflin Scranton, the now defunct branch of the midsized paper company. There was a Bruce Springsteen ticket stub; there was the necklace he had given her. There were what felt like a million other items, but they couldn't matter anymore. They didn't need to matter anymore. Soon, she wouldn't remember him. She wouldn't remember the relationship that they had shared.

* * *

At ten minutes to two, she picked Sarah up from their office.

"Hey Hol," she and Sarah had always been close. They had been friends ever since Holly had first started at Dunder Mifflin Nashua, before she had even heard of Michael Scott or Scranton.

"Hi. Ready?"

"Yeah. Even if this seminar is basically just a repeat of what we already know, we get a weekend in the city at least, right?" Sarah grinned.

Holly smiled and nodded.

"You alright?" She gave her a knowing glance.

"Fine," Holly replied quickly. Too quickly, probably.

Sarah didn't look convinced. She knew about Holly and AJ's pregnancy troubles. And it was easier for Holly to let Sarah believe that they were the cause of her sorrow rather than telling her the real reason for it.

* * *

They arrived in New York awhile later. Holly and Sarah checked into their hotel rooms and then made their way to the corporate building, wondering what Jo Bennet had planned for them. They sat through the first seminar. Then they went out to dinner. Italian, Holly's favorite. And soon enough it was nighttime, and they had returned to their hotel rooms.

Holly sat on the foreign hotel bed, waiting for the procedure to begin. At ten o'clock, there was a knock on the door.

"Right Holly, you've got everything that might trigger a memory of Michael in the bag?" one of the associates asked he entered her hotel room. The first time she'd visited the Lacuna Clinic for a consolation, she had learned that his name was Ezekiel.

Holly let out a breath, "Yep. All things Michael in the bag."

"Great," Ezekiel glanced at his watch, "I'll be back in a few hours when you're asleep. Then my coworker and I will target all of your memories of Michael and erase them. In the morning you'll wake up in your hotel bed with no recollection of this or Michael."

"Ok…and I really won't remember him?"

"We've got a one hundred per cent success rate."

Holly nodded. Ezekiel left. Holly got ready to go to sleep and then sat on the strange bed. She remembered the first time she had entered the Lacuna Clinic. She'd met Ezekiel and his boss, Doctor Waterstein. She'd explained that she wanted to forget someone, and they had told her they had a solution. A way to erase any specific person from one's memory. At first, she hadn't believed it. But now, several months later, she was willing to give it a try.

She was going to miss her memories of Michael. The first time she met him, riding the Ferris Wheel together at Toby's goodbye party. Their rendition of _let's get ethical, ethical_. Snuggling in bed late at night. _We haven't found our great idea yet…we're circling it_. Their skit, SlumDunder Mifflinaire.

Saying she would miss these little moments that she savored in her head was an understatement. Attempting not to think about that, Holly climbed under the blankets and tried to fall asleep.

* * *

Ezekiel was already at work on the sleeping Holly when his partner finally showed up.

"Andy, you're late."

"Sorry, Z-man. The Nard Dog was delayed."

"Anyway, here's tonight's patient, Holly. Wants to forget her ex-boyfriend, Michael."

Andy's eyes widened, "My gosh, I know her. We used to work together. Michael was our boss."

"Small world."

"Chyeah, Zeke. You can say that again. Oh man, this is _weird_. I can't believe Holly's erasing Michael. They were like, soul mates. She was his soul sister, remember that Train song from a few years ago?" Andy began to sing, "Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio..."

Ezekiel nodded. "That so?"

"Oh, totally. She was the one woman in the world who understood him. And I always thought he made her happy. I mean, I knew she had been dating this other guy for awhile, but…_man._ I thought they'd find their way back together eventually or something. Anyway, how's the procedure going? Any trouble?"

"Pretty smooth so far. We're about half finished, and nothing's gone weird."

Andy nodded, "Listen, man, since I'm so late and you had to work it by yourself up till this point, it's totally cool with me if you wanna take the rest of the night off."

Ezekiel glanced at the clock, "No, I'd just as well stay here. Thanks for the offer, though."

"Anytime, man. Anytime."

* * *

Holly glanced at the alarm clock. Eight o'clock. She should probably get up soon so she wouldn't be late to the second day of the seminar.

An hour later, she and Sarah were sitting in the corporate building. Holly smiled cheerfully, as if she didn't have a care in the world.


	3. like a crying child

_As the flashbulbs burst she holds a smile_

_Like someone would hold a crying child_

- "Cath…" by Death Cab for Cutie

"Hey, I'm home," Holly called out cheerfully as she stepped through the front door.

AJ greeted her with a smile, "How was the seminar?"

"It was alright. Nothing new, but Sarah and I had fun."

"Great. I missed you, you know," AJ smiled again.

Holly kissed his cheek, "And I missed you."

* * *

Holly wondered if it could be true. They had been trying for so long with no success; she was almost frightened to allow herself to think that there was a possibility of it this time. But the facts were throwing themselves in front of her, and she couldn't ignore them. Her period was late. It was supposed to have arrived two weeks ago. And it was always consistent, always on time. It was never late like it was now. So with that in mind, she allowed herself to face the possibility that she might be pregnant.

It wasn't that she didn't want it. The exact opposite was true. She and AJ had been trying for what felt like ages, and every month when it didn't happen she knew both of their hearts broke a little bit. But she was scared. She didn't want to convince herself that there was a real, actual possibility that she could be pregnant and simply end up disappointed again. It would be absolutely devastating.

But she couldn't ignore this. She had to know; she had to put her mind to rest. Her hands trembling, she opened the box she had purchased at the drug store.

* * *

AJ arrived home several hours later to find her frantically cleaning the kitchen.

"Holly?" he asked, looking concerned and befuddled.

She moved quickly with the broom. It was as if she was attacking the floor.

"You know, I've really let the dirt pile up in here," she said tersely, "If we had a kid, it would practically be a safety hazard."

"Is that what this is about?" AJ asked softly.

She didn't answer and continued sweeping.

"Holly, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Nothing's changed; everything's the same. That's what's wrong. Though I don't know why I allowed myself to imagine anything else than another negative test."

"Oh, Holl."

"Why does it always end up like this? It's like the world is trying to give us a hint, or something."

He took her in his arms, "I don't know. I hate it and it breaks my heart, but I don't know."

* * *

A few months later, she found herself at her OB/GYN's office, AJ by her side. The doctor reentered the room, test results in hand.

She smiled, "Congratulations."

"What?" Holly whispered.

"You're six weeks pregnant."

* * *

Later that afternoon when they arrived home, AJ insisted on carrying her through the front door.

She laughed, "I'm pregnant, not paralyzed. I can still walk, you know."

He kissed her temple, "I know. Gosh, Holly. This is finally happening."

She smiled, "I'm so happy."

"Me too, hun."

"I love you so much, AJ."

He kissed her again, "I love you, too."

* * *

The next week, Holly glanced at the clock anxiously one night. AJ was supposed to be home four hours ago. She had tried his cell phone on multiple occasions and gotten his voice mail each time. She was worried; this wasn't him. He was never, ever late. If something had come up, he would have called.

She had called the highway patrol an hour ago. She had hoped it was nothing; maybe he was having car trouble and the battery on his phone had died. Still, she called. She needed to be sure he was alright.

There was a knock on the front door. She placed a hand over her stomach as she opened it, as if to protect her baby from any sort of bad news.

A police officer greeted her, "M'am, there's been an accident."

"An accident?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, but we think your husband may have been hit by another car. A drunk driver."

"Oh, god. Oh, god."

* * *

She had gone to the station and identified the body. It had been AJ. They told her that her husband had been killed instantaneously, that he hadn't suffered much.

She reflected on this as she sat at his funeral.

She couldn't focus on the ceremony going on. She felt numb. This was unreal; it wasn't happening.

But it was. She felt the baby kick and it brought her back to reality. This was real. This was all real. AJ was dead, and they were putting him to rest now.

* * *

It had been a month. It had been a month since AJ's death. She had been back at work for about three weeks. They had told her to take all the time that she needed, that there was no rush for her to come back if she wasn't ready. But she had wanted to come back. She had needed to come back. If she didn't have work to occupy her, she would have sat alone in the house and probably lost her sanity.

She awoke that morning with a dull ache in her stomach. Ignoring it, she got out of bed and walked towards the shower. She adjusted the water, slipped out of her pajamas, and got in. She stood under the steaming hot water, her eyes closed. Then she glanced down. That was when she noticed the blood on her thighs.

She gasped and slowly slipped down in the shower as she realized what was happening to her.

* * *

When it was over, she laid in bed, her knees pressing against her chest. She glanced over and looked at the clock. It was late; she needed to call work and let them know she wouldn't be in today. She probably should have called her boss or reception, but Sarah's cell phone was the only number she could think of at the moment.

"Holly, where are you?"

"I'm not going to be in today."

"Is everything ok?"

"No. Nothing is ok," she said softly, sounding heartbroken, "I lost the baby."


	4. we'll all float on ok

**A/N: **I just wanted to say that when Holly had any memories of Michael erased, memories of Scranton were also erased. That should clarify a point made in this chapter. Anyway, this chapter is still setting the story up, but things will be moving on shortly.

* * *

_And we'll all float on, ok.  
And we'll all float on, alright.  
Already we'll all float on.  
No, don't you worry, we'll all float on.  
Alright, already, we'll all float on.  
Alright, don't worry, we'll all float on._

- "Float On" by Modest Mouse

Holly knew that the upcoming weeks would be difficult, but she was determined to be strong. She had lost her family; she had lost her AJ and her baby. But as much as that hurt, she had to keep going. It was tempting to give up and just collapse into a pile of sorrow, but she knew she couldn't do that.

She got up every morning, determined to continue living her life. She went to work. She focused on her job. Sometimes she went out with friends. What she had lost was never far from her mind, but she didn't want to let that define her.

It was hard, but she managed to do it. Sometimes she missed them so much that it was almost unbearable, but she was able to get through her day-to-day life.

* * *

It was a few weeks later when Holly and her co-workers received the news. Even though Dunder Mifflin, or rather, what was left of Dunder Mifflin, hadn't been doing well for awhile, it still came as something of a shock. However, Holly suspected what the news would be by the look on their boss' face when they had all entered the conference room that day. And she had been right.

The entirety of Dunder Mifflin Paper Company was being shut down.

* * *

She ran into David Wallace after work that day.

"Holly!" he called out cheerfully.

She turned around and faced him. She smiled, "Hi, David."

"How have you been?" He asked. Holly wondered the same thing about him. The last she had heard, he had just been laid off and hadn't been doing so well. That had been several years ago, of course.

"I've been alright," she said, deciding not to share the details of her personal life, "The company is closing, though, so I'm out of a job."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," David looked concerned.

She shrugged, "Could be a good thing in a way. I get to have a new start, of sorts."

David looked thoughtful for a moment, "You know, Holly, I started my own business about a year ago."

"Oh, cool," Holly smiled.

"We do publishing. Manuscripts for novels, stuff like that. We've recently gotten bigger and have the need to hire a human resources rep. I sort of manage that stuff now, as well as the general overseeing of the company, and it's gotten to be a lot. I mean, if you're interested…"

"Where are you guys based?"

"New York. It would mean moving, of course, and I know it's a lot to think about."

Holly nodded.

"Here," David said, "I'll give you my number. Think about it for awhile, and then give me a call."

* * *

She reflected on David Wallace's offer for the next several days. It was nothing short of a miracle that she had been offered a new job on the very same day that she had lost her old one. David had sent her some information on his company, Recollection Publishing. It was legitimate; they were a small business that had been growing steadily recently. The fact was that this was a job, and she was in need of one.

Still, New York. It would be a big change. She had lived in New Hampshire her entire life, and while she had visited the Big Apple, she had never considered living there before. She was a small town girl, and the idea of moving into a big city made her nervous.

On the other hand, this might be exactly what she needed right now. It would be a fresh start. Maybe she needed to get away from Nashua. It represented everything in her life that was gone. She and AJ were no longer happily married, on the verge of starting a family. Now the reality was that she was a widow who was no longer going to be a mother, and every day she spent in Nashua was a reminder of that.

She suddenly decided that she would take the job. It would mean starting over in a whole new environment, but maybe that was exactly what she needed. She would call David in the morning.

* * *

A month later, everything was falling into place in regards to her new job. She had put her house on the market, and while it hadn't sold yet, she had found an apartment in New York. It was a few blocks from work, and the neighborhood seemed nice.

On that particular day, she stood alone in her now empty house. Everything had either been sold at yard sales or packed away to her new apartment. She stayed where she was for awhile as she recalled all that had happened in this house. She remembered AJ and their plans for the future; she remembered the life that she had thought she would spend the rest of her days living. She remembered that terrible night when the officer had shown up at the front door with the news of AJ's death, and she willed herself not to cry. This house held numerous memories, and she smiled as she recalled ones of days that she and AJ had spent together.

She stayed liked that for awhile and then walked through the front door for the last time. She sighed, got into her car, and began the drive to New York.

* * *

Soon enough, she fell into something of a routine at Recollection Publishing. She arrived in the morning and made her way to the back cubicle that was hers. David always greeted her with a smile, almost looking apologetic. Holly wondered what he had to be sorry for; he had given her a job, after all. His looking apologetic didn't make sense, and she often wondered if she was imagining it.

She handled paperwork about policies and procedures. Sometimes employees came to her with problems that they were having, and she would patiently listen as they spoke to her, offering suggestions when appropriate.

And at the end of each day when she returned to her apartment, it almost felt like home.


	5. old valentines

_You cloud up your mind with old valentines._

- "Who Will I Be Tonight?" by Gold Motel

Andy pulled his cell phone from his pocket as it vibrated with a new text message as he walked down the streets of New York. He opened it and was that the message was from Zeke. It was probably about the procedure they were performing that night.

"Ouch!"

Andy looked up. A girl was rubbing her arm.

"My bad," Andy apologized, "Totally wasn't watching where I was going."

She smiled, "It's cool."

"Hey," Andy paused, "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"Nope, I don't think so," she paused, "You do look sort of familiar, though. Do you live in the city?"

"Yeah. We've probably just seen each other around, I guess. I'm Andy."

"I'm Kelly. Nice to officially meet you."

"Yeah. Maybe I'll run into you again," Andy smiled, "Not literally, though. Sorry about that."

She laughed, "Don't worry about it."

* * *

Evening came about, and another day at work was over. Most of the employees of Recollection Publishing had already left; Holly and David were the last two there. They walked out to the parking lot together.

"Hey, David!" a voice called out as they reached their cars, "David Wallace. Fancy seeing you here, huh?"

David turned around, "Hi Michael."

"How's it hanging – oh my gosh. Holly."

Holly stared at the man who was standing on the sidewalk. He was of average height. His hair was black, and he had an incredulous look on his face. He was wearing a turtleneck sweater, and she wondered if he was overheated in the warm weather that they were having. She felt inexplicably drawn to him.

Suddenly, he grinned, "Are you real, or are you a Hollygram?"

"Pardon me?" she asked, surprised at the question.

He faltered, "It's…that was my nickname for you. Don't you remember?"

She shook her head, and he looked heartbroken.

"I'm sorry," Holly said sincerely, "Have we met before?"

"Of course we have!" Michael exclaimed, looking distressed, "We were like soup snake – soul mates. You were my best friend. We dated."

"You don't remember, Holly?" David asked, sounding concerned, "It was when you worked in Scranton."

Michael suddenly narrowed his eyes, "Why are you with her, David? Are you dating her? It's not like you haven't stuck yourself into our situation before. I mean, I forgave you and you're my friend, but that was an absolutely sucky thing to do, what you did."

"I'm not dating anyone," Holly said, suddenly feeling overwhelmed, "He's my boss."

"Hollygram, you really don't remember me at all?" Michael asked softly, his eyes wide.

"I've never met you!" she exclaimed, sounding exasperated and scared.

Michael looked heartbroken.

"Holly, we should get you home," David looked worried.

"You have to remember, Holly, you have to!" Michael cried out.

"Michael," David said firmly, "We need to get going, but hopefully we'll be in touch, alright?"

"Right," Michal said dejectedly. As he started walking down the sidewalk again, he looked absolutely shocked, utterly sad, and a little frightened.

"David?" Holly sounded nervous, "I don't trust myself to drive right now.

* * *

"Do you want me to go up with you?" David asked Holly as they neared her apartment building. She was sitting in the passenger seat, wringing her hands.

Holly nodded.

They took the elevator up to her floor. They reached her apartment and went inside, sitting down on the couch.

"I don't know what just happened," she said, "Who was that man? And why don't I remember any of this?"

"That was Michael Scott. You were co-workers in the Scranton Branch of Dunder Mifflin. You don't remember Scranton at all?"

"No."

"You worked there in 2008, for about six months," David told her, "You were Toby Flenderson's replacement.

"What else? David, tell me more."

"Holly, I don't know if I'm the best person to do so."

"Why not? I trust you. You've been there for me. You gave me a job when I needed one. And I know you're objective and honest and you'll tell me the truth. I feel so helpless not remembering."

He sighed, "Ok. But I have to tell you, I was involved in some of the things you don't remember. I'm not just a narrator here; I'm a player in this story."

She nodded.

"It was about May of 2008," David began, "Toby Flenderson was the HR Rep for the Scranton Branch, and he was moving. You were transferred to Scranton from Nashua."

She nodded a second time.

"Like Nashua, Scranton was one of the branches that I oversaw during my time at Dunder Mifflin. That's how I know what I know. Anyway, I don't know a lot of the details about the time you were working in Scranton. What I do know is this: you dated Michael, the man we saw back there. I'm not sure for how long, but I found out in about November. And…it was a workplace relationship, and the two of you hadn't reported it to corporate, and I'm not proud of it now, but I had you transferred back to Nashua."

"How could I forget five months of my life like that?"

"I don't know, Holly," he sounded concerned and sympathetic.

They sat in silence for awhile. Holly felt as if she literally had a million questions to ask.

"Tell me about him," she said, "Tell me about Michael."

"Michael Scott. He's," David paused, "a character. He's a good guy. It would be best if you go to know him again yourself rather than listen to me talk about him."

She again nodded for the umpteenth time that night, looking dazed.

* * *

Later that night, David Wallace was sitting in his front room, alone. His wife and children had gone to bed hours ago, but he was reflecting on all of the events of that night. He worried about Holly and wondered why she had forgotten the way she had. Suddenly, the phone rang. He picked it up, wondering who would call so late.

"David? It's Michael Scott."

"Michael, hi. Listen, I know this evening was strange."

"Yeah. I hope this doesn't make me sound stalker-ish, but I looked you up in the phone book. I had to talk to someone about this stuff."

"Of course, Michael," David further explained the events of that night, "Holly's been working for my company. She's our HR Rep. I had no idea that she had forgotten Scranton until tonight."

"That is scary. It's awful."

"I agree."

"Do you think she's going to be ok?"

"I hope so. She said she was going to make an appointment with a doctor."

"Jeez, I wonder how she forgot. I wonder what it was that cause her memories to vanish like that. Anyway, David, are you guys buddy-buddy now? I was hoping you could tell me…what happened to her? I mean, not the forgetting, but something else."

"I'm not sure I know what you're getting at, Michael."

"She was sad…I could see it in her eyes. She's got sad eyes, David. She didn't always have those."

"I hadn't noticed."

"Oh, yeah. I remember she used to have this happy sparkle in her eyes. But that's gone now. Her eyes just looked sad."

"I wish I had answers for you."

"Poor Hollygram. Something terrible must've happened to her," Michael was quiet for a few moments,

"Hey David?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think she would freak out if I called her?"

"I actually think that the best way for her to remember what she's forgotten is to spend time with you," David said, "I wouldn't call her tonight, though. She's got a lot to think about."

"Ok. Thanks, David."

"I'll talk to you later, Michael."

* * *

The next morning, Holly sat in her doctor's office, hugging her knees and looking nervous. There was a knock on the door, and the doctor entered.

She smiled, "So Ms. Flax, what's the reason for your visit today?"

"I…I think I'm suffering from some form of amnesia."

"What makes you say that?"

"I was talking to a friend yesterday, and I realized that there was a period of about six months in my life that I'd forgotten."

"When you say forgotten…"

"I have no recollection of it at all. No memories. Nada."

"And when was this period of time?"

"About four years ago."

"Alright, well, we'll run some tests and see what could have caused this…"

* * *

"Holly, how are you?" David asked as he answered his phone.

"I have retrograde amnesia, according to my doctor. She couldn't figure out any apparent cause, and there's no treatment," Holly sighed, "On the bright side, there's no sign that this will happen again, per say. I was supposed to call a close friend or family member to go through the history of my life with me to see if I'd forgotten anything else, which I did, and I remember everything else I'm supposed to. It's just Scranton that I have no recollection of."

"I suppose it's good that it's limited like that."

"Yeah. So anyway, David, do you still want me to work for you?"

"Of course I do," he said, sounding slightly surprised.

"Ok. I just wanted to double check. I mean, I don't wanna be in the middle of a staff meeting and just blank out," Holly wisecracked.

"No, don't worry," he assured her, "I'm not going to be letting you go anytime soon."

* * *

"Hey Z-man?" Andy asked.

"Yeah?"

"The other day I saw this girl, and I could have sworn I knew her from somewhere. Cheerful, talkative, Indian. Ring a bell?"

Ezekiel was quiet for a moment, then said, "No man, not at all. I don't remember you ever knowing a girl like that."

If Andy had been looking at Ezekiel at that moment, he would have seen an emotion pass through his features fleetingly. It looked suspiciously like guilt.


	6. take me back to the start

_Take me back to the start._

- "The Scientist" by Coldplay

"Right," Michael thought to himself, "I'm going to call her. I'm totally going to call her."

It was funny. Michael had never imagined that the thought of talking to Holly would make him so nervous. But right now, the thought of it was enough to make half of him want to bite his nails. The other half was filled with hope that she would remember him and they would end up together once more. But part of him worried that she would never remember and would always give him that blank, surprised look whenever he called her Hollygram.

He wasn't so sure that he would be able to deal with it if he always going to get that look whenever he talked to her. It was like a knife to his heart.

But maybe, just maybe, she would remember in time. Maybe things would be ok again. And if there was that chance and he didn't make the most of it, he didn't think he would be able to live with himself. This was Holly, after all. Amazing, beautiful, hilarious, perfect Holly.

He would call her after work. Maybe even during his lunch break.

Michael worked at an ice-skating rink. He loved it. After the Scranton Branch had closed, he didn't think would ever find a job he would like near as much as being regional manager of the now defunct midsized paper company, but this particular ice-rink in the Big Apple had proved that thought wrong. He did sales, mostly, convincing potential customers that the rink would be a great place to hold their child's birthday party. Or anyone's birthday party, for that matter. More often than not, Michael found himself skating during his breaks or advising the janitors and maintenance crew on how to do certain things (after all, he always thought to himself, he had been on the verge of playing for the NHL in his younger days).

It was a good job, a good life. He was happy, but he wanted someone to share it all with.

He couldn't help but hope with all of his heart that that person would be Holly.

* * *

"Pamalamadingdong."

"Hi Michael."

Over the years, what Michael had always thought as the United Dunder Mifflin Scranton Front had slowly done in their separate directions. He supposed that it was, to a certain extent, to be expected, what with everyone working in different places for once. He had tried to keep in touch with everyone minus Toby for awhile, but he got busy and involved with his post paper selling life and assumed that everyone else had to. Nowadays, he and Dwight kept in touch, and he talked to Jim and Pam somewhat regularly.

"Guess what?" Michael asked, "Hey, I'm not calling at a bad time, am I? Not busy with painting or the kids or anything?"

"No, I'm not too busy at the moment."

"Oh, well good. You will never in a million years guess who I saw the other day."

"Holly?"

"Dang! How'd you know?"

"Just a lucky guess."

"Well…Pam…I've got a problem. An enormous one. Probably the biggest problem I've ever faced."

"What is it?"

"She doesn't remember me. I saw her. She was with David Wallace. And she didn't know who I was."

"Michael, are you sure it was her?"

"Of course I was sure! I know Holly when I see her, Pam. But I talked to David after…after she had no idea who I was. He said it was some terrible, terrible medical thing."

"Michael…that's….I'm so sorry, Michael."

"Thanks."

They were quiet for a bit.

"Hey Pam?"

"Yeah?"

"David said…he said that I should call her. That she wanted to remember and I was the best person to help her do that…but I'm so nervous, which doesn't make any sense, because it's Holly. But I don't know how to start. How do you tell someone who doesn't remember what the two of you had how much you loved her? That you were soul mates, and you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her but the universe screwed you over? And that if you had another chance, you would marry her in a heartbeat? I don't know how to tell her all of that without sounding like a total creeper. And I'm afraid that if I mess this up, I will lose her forever."

"Oh, Michael."

"I just…in all of my wildest dreams, I never imagined that this was how I'd meet Holly again."

"I know. And I think that you can do this again. She's still the same person who fell in love with you all of those years ago. You just need to take is slowly. No declarations of love right away. Just tell her. And show her. Show her who you are, and what the two of you were together. Take it slowly, but don't give up."

* * *

He called Holly from his apartment later that evening.

"Hello?" she answered on the second ring. It had been a week since he had seen her and David Wallace, and it was nice to hear her voice again.

"Holly? This is…um…hi, it's Michael. Michael Scott."

"Oh. Um, hi Michael."

"So, um…gosh, this is weird."

"Just a tad. But we've got to start somewhere, right? I want to remember Scranton, and you're probably the best person to help me do that."

"Yeah, we do. So how's it going?"

"Pretty well, considering. How about you?"

"I'm pretty good."

"So," she said, "I was hoping you could tell me about Scranton. Dunder Mifflin Scranton."

"Scranton!" Michael exclaimed, "Yeesh, sure thing. I'm practically the most knowledgeable person about the place. I was regional manager of the branch, you know, which is sort of like being king…wow, I'm really rambling, aren't I? I do when I get nervous."

"It's alright."

"Anyways…Dunder Mifflin Scranton. We were like a paper selling family. Sometimes we had our disagreements, but for the most part we were pretty much a united paper selling team, " Michael suddenly sighed, "I really miss them."

"How many of you were there?" Holly asked.

"Well, in the end, there was me, Dwight, Jim, Stanley, Phyllis, Pam, Andy, Oscar, Angela, Kevin, Meredith, Creed, Kelly, Gabe, Erin, and I suppose Toby, so about fifteen."

"Wow."

"Yeah, we were really something."

"It sounds like it."

"And it was such a great place to work at mostly because of the people. They were my best friends, and pretty much awesome blossom. First there was Dwight – my right hand man and one of the most loyal people I've ever met. Great friend, Dwight, though he's a bit odd. He had these obsessions with Battlestar Gallactica and beats. He still lives with his Cousin Mose on their family's beat farm. Ever since the branch closed, they've had a pretty successful business going on there."

"He sounds like quite the character," Holly smiled from her end of the line.

"Oh yeah, he totally is," Michael laughed, "Anyway, am I talking your ear off? I could tell you about the rest of 'em another time."

"Nah, keep going."

"Ok. Oooh, I'll tell you the story of Jim and Pam. So, Jimbo worked in sales and Pam was our receptionist – well, our first receptionist. That's actually another story. Anyway, Pam was engaged to this guy from the warehouse, Roy. They'd been dating for a million years, easily. But, I could tell all along that she wasn't really happy. Roy was…not a bad guy, but not who I'd describe as the most romantic person, you know?"

"Yeah."

"So this is where it gets interesting – Jim enters the picture. And he and Pam start talking

and totally hit it off. He would go over to reception and they'd get involved in some sort of conversation, every day without fail. I saw it all from my office."

Michael sounded proud.

"This goes on for awhile, and Pam and Roy's wedding is continually approaching. Like, always on the horizon. It gets closer and closer and Jim eventually transfers to the Stamford branch. Also, Pam calls the wedding off."

"So what happened then?" Holly sounded interested.

"Well, Stamford closes and Jim gets transferred back home to Scranton. Only he's dating another women, Karen."

"Oh my."

"Yeah, it was a rough time. But, later in that year, we were having our beach games day. And towards the end of it, we're all sitting around, and Pam totally tells Jim that she called the wedding off because of him. More or less what I'd known the entire time, but love makes you blind and stupid, right?"

Holly giggled.

"Anyway, Jim was interviewing for a corporate job here in the Big Apple. This is a week or so after the whole beach fiasco. And I'm not quite sure how it happened, but he came to his senses and returned to Scranton. He and Karen broke up, and he and Pam eventually lived happily ever after. They've a little girl, Cece, who isn't so little anymore. And since the company closed they've had another kid, Ben. Cute little guy."

"So they did get their happy ending," Holly sounded happy.

"Yeppers, they did indeed. I get to see them pretty often, too, so that's nice," Michael replied. He then glanced at the clock, "Wow! It's getting late…gosh, time goes by quickly.

"Oh wow, it is late," Holly replied, "I should probably go…and I'll talk to you soon?"

He heard the question in her voice and said reassuringly, "Of course! I'll call you tomorrow."

"Great. Talk to you then."

"Bye Holly."

"Bye Michael."

Michael smiled. It had been nice reliving those earlier days of Dunder Mifflin with Holly – those had been to the prologue to their great romance. And he hoped he wasn't getting too ahead of himself, but he couldn't help feel like that their conversation just then had been the beginning of something.


	7. a time to think about the past

_Future. It's a time to think about the past. _

- "Future" by Cut Copy

"Morning, David," Holly said as she passed his office.

"Hi Holly," he greeted her, "Why don't you come in for a second? Fill me in on next week's ethics seminar?"

"Ok," she said, entering. They proceeded to discuss the details of the event.

"David?" she asked tentatively, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he replied.

"This is going to sound terribly blunt, but it's been on my mind for awhile: why did you hire me?"

"Why did I hire you?" David repeated, "Because I needed someone to act as a human resources manager, and I knew you were qualified for the position. I've worked with you before, Holly. I know that you're competent and reliable."

"It just seemed sudden, I guess."

"I guess it was. I hadn't even sent out any notices that we were hiring when I ran into you that night."

She hesitated and then nodded, "Anyway, I'd better get to my desk. Let me know if you need anything."

* * *

"Hey Zeke," Andy greeted his coworker as he stepped into the Lacuna Clinic.

"Hey man."

"So, any consultations today?"

"Nope, so Doctor Waterstein just wants to organize these old case files."

"Right-o," Andy replied. He and Ezekiel got to work.

* * *

"Hey, Holly!" he said cheerfully that evening after she'd picked up the phone on the first ring.

She smiled into her phone, "Hi Michael."

"So, how's it going? Do anything exciting today?"

"Nah, just the usual. Went to work and then to yoga class."

Michael smiled, "You still do yoga?"

"Yeah. So how was your day? Where do you work?"

"Well, after the great downfall –"

"The great downfall?"

"When the Scranton Branch closed. The day-that-must-not-be-named. Anyway, after that happened, I moved here and got a job. And I'm thinking it might be cooler to show you what it is instead of telling you. Are you busy right now? I mean, if you are, it's fine, I know this is pretty spur of the moment."

"No, I'm not doing anything right now. Where should I meet you?"

Michael grinned and gave her directions.

* * *

Andy stepped into his apartment after getting home from work that night. He set his back down on the sofa and headed into the kitchen. A minutes later, he returned, glass of water in hand. He sat down next to his bag. Opening it, he realized that he had inadvertently taken some of the files that he and Zeke had been working on that day.

He glanced down at one. He frowned when he say the names.

"What the heck?" he wondered incredulously.

The names on the file said _A. Bernard_ and _K. Kapoor_.

* * *

Michael arrived a few minutes after Holly did. He was wearing another turtleneck, purple this time. She made eye contact with him and waved.

"Hi," she greeted him.

"Hey," he smiled at her, "So, we've got about half a block's walk – I wanted to keep it secretive rather than giving it away in the directions."

She laughed, "So many secrets."

"Keeps things exciting. Anyway, here we are."

"You work at an ice-skating rink?"

"I'm the marketing and sale's team's go-to guy."

"We're going inside?" she asked, seeing him fiddle with a set of keys.

"Yeah," he explained, "I thought it might be a good way for you to remember some things."

They stepped inside, and he led her towards a rack of skates.

"You still size six?" he asked.

She nodded in response.

"Ok…here you go, Hollygram – gah, sorry!" Michael realized his mistake the moment the nickname escape from his lips, remembering how she had reacted to it before.

"It's ok," she replied, seemingly calm, "So tell me – how did I get that name?"

Michael smiled, "Well that, m'lady, is quite the story. I coined the term the very first day I had the pleasure of meeting you. Waaayy back in the day, when you'd just transferred to Scranton. It was your first day in Scranton, and you were meeting everyone and getting settled in. So, I asked you if you were real, or a Hollygram…Hollygram, hologram, get it?"

Holly laughed, "That's good. Definitely a good one."

"Yeesh," Michael replied, "It was kind of the start of everything…got you all settled into the office, you know? Anyway, on our second date we went ice skating. It was at a place back in Scranton, but I figure this would work to recreate it."

They stepped onto the ice, Michael with confidence and Holly taking tentative glides.

"So what was it like?" she asked suddenly.

"Our second date?"

"Well, I was thinking of Scranton, but that, too."

"The Scranton Branch was everyone's ideal job, I think," Michael grinned, "Maybe I'm exaggerating just a bit, but it was pretty good. Until the company shut down, that is. Man, I never thought I'd live to see the day where a paper company got shut down. It's freakin' paper. Essential to practically everything. Anyway, we were like a family."

"The Scranton family," she said in a sing-song voice.

Michael grinned, "Yeah. And I mean, we weren't without our dysfunctions – we had Toby Flenderson, after all, and Jim probably drove Dwight just a little bit crazy, and people had conflicts – but I think it was pretty good overall."

"Who's this Toby?" Holly asked.

"He's nobody, but I'll tell you about him later."

She couldn't help but smile, "Ok."

"So anyways, date number two. We went to this nice little Italian and had dinner. Candles, the whole works. And then, I taught you to ice skate."

"Was I any good? Cause I can hardly go without falling now," Holly chucked.

"You were a fast learner. Here," he said, taking her hands in his and pulling her along the ice.

"You're really good at this."

"Yeah, I was almost in the NFL."

"What? Really?"

"Well, I mean, I seriously considered it, but you're on the road so much, and I really, really wanted time for a wife and kids. Still do."

"Yeah," she said softly, remembering AJ and the future that they had wanted.

"You ok?" Michael asked.

"Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good to know, Hollypop."

She smiled, "Hollypop?"

"Yup. Just another nickname. Do you mind…I mean, should I not…"

"No. Don't worry about it. I think it's sweet."

Suddenly, she lost her footing and caused them both to stumble. He regained his balance quickly and caught her before she fell.

It was the closest to him she remembered being to him – but then again, she didn't remember much. He, on the other hand, was realizing just how much he had missed holding her.

"Hey, you still ok?" he asked her, reluctantly getting her settled on her feet and out of his arms.

"Mhm," she nodded as her mind raced. Being close to Michael had felt so natural, so right. Almost on par to what it had been like with AJ. She couldn't deny how odd this was, but he felt like home to her.


	8. souvenirs from better times

_All I find are souvenirs from better times._

_- _"Title and Registration" by Death Cab for Cutie_  
_

"Hey, so Counting Crows is coming to the city," Michael told Holly as they sat in a deli eating lunch one Saturday.

Holly's face lit up, "Yeah, I saw that."

Michael smiled. He pulled an envelope out of his pocked and pushed it toward her.

Holly raised an eyebrow and opened it. She pulled out the contents, revealing them to be two tickets to the concert they had just been discussing.

"Michael…oh, wow. This is great, but I don't know if – "

"Nonsensical, milady," he replied, "Of course you can. I've already bought them, and I can't think of anyone I'd rather go with. Besides, I owe them to you, in a way."

"Really?" Suddenly, she grinned again, "Is this another Scranton story?"

"More like a Michael-is-an-idiot story," he replied, "But yeah, it's a Scranton story."

"So did we see Counting Crows then?"

"Not exactly," Michael began, "There was a yoga teacher…I think Oscar introduced you guys…and yoga man was an idiot with poor taste and never returned your calls about a second date. So, you were left with an extra ticket for Counting Crows. And then I was completely clueless and didn't pick up on the fact that you wanted to give me your extra ticket until you told me. But that was much, much later. Anyway, I was trying to make things better, even though I was completely oblivious to what you wanted…I may or may not have bought the tickets from you and tore them up. Like I said, Hollypop, story of idiots."

"Nah," Holly replied, "I think it's more of a story of friendship."

Michael smiled, "I like that."

"Did we go to a lot of concerts?" Holly asked. She had always been a fan of live music, but they hadn't been AJ's favorite way to spend an evening. He'd found them to be too loud and felt that they were a little old for that kind of thing. They had gone to a few together, and although she could tell that he had tried to like them for her, it was clear that they were not his cup of tea.

"We did once in a while. Third Eye Blind. Alicia Keys. Black Eyed Peas. "

"Sounds like this wasn't too rare of an occurrence," Holly replied with a smile.

Michael's face matched hers, "Yeah. Well, you and I both liked concerts. One time we saw Kevin's band, too."

"The-one-Dwight-had-me-convinced-was-slow-Kevin?" she asked, blushing.

"Yeppers, the one and only. Hey, don't feel bad."

"I don't even remember it, but I still get embarrassment for myself."

"It wasn't your fault, though, Holly."

She smiled slightly, "Yeah. Well, I suppose I wasn't too awful about it, seeing as you guys kept me around."

"I would never have even heard of anything else. Like I said once, you're the best thing that happened to the company since World War II."

* * *

Andy stared at the file. _A. Bernard and K. Kapoor_ stared back at him fiercely. Ever since he had discovered it in his bag, Andy had been unable to open the file. He was caught between being fascinated and horrified at what he would find, and his actions had been dominated by the latter sentiment. This feeling had also caused him to call in sick to work ever since the discovery. He didn't want to think about whatever was in that file, nor did he want to consider the effect that the knowledge of this would have on his present day life He didn't want to wrap his mind around the concept of having erased someone from his own life, losing a piece of his own past. It was something he helped others to do on a daily basis, but this was much too close to home. He didn't want to think about Zeke betraying him, Zeke lying to him.

He took another gulp of beer. He had hardly left his spot on the living room couch since making this discovery several days ago. He surveyed the clutter around him and his days old outfit. He sighed.

He was a wreck.

* * *

Teddy Wallace scanned the attic to find his father.

"Hey Dad, I think this box has some of your stuff," he said.

"Thanks," David replied. He sat down to sort through the box.

This year, he and his wife had taken the phrase "spring cleaning" literally. He and Teddy were tackling the attic while Rachel worked downstairs. David opened the box and examined its contents. It was dull of things from his time at Dunder Mifflin. There was a small collection of tiny odds and ends that had decorated his desk while he'd been at corporate. He saw several certificates of appreciation. Then his eyes wandered to a pile of photographs. Curious, he began to look through them.

There was a group shot of regional supervisors and corporate employees. He scanned the picture, remembering faces and names. He saw Jan Levinson and wondered what she had ended up doing. Several years ago, he'd heard through the grapevine that she was pregnant by a sperm donor after a failed venture into the candle business.

As he put that photo aside, two familiar faces greeted him. The next picture was a shot of Holly Flax and Michael Scott at the company picnic several years ago. David stared at the picture for a while. He'd always felt guilty about transferring Holly away from Michael, practically from the instant that he'd done it. On a technical level, his reasoning for doing it still stood strong, but it had felt like a heartless decision. Michael had finally been happy, and he had taken that away from him. Honestly, it had felt a bit like betrayal, and after he'd received a particular phone call from Michael a few years ago, the feeling had been confirmed. And Holly. He'd seen how happy she'd been when she was with Michael, and he had put a stop to that. He had ruined them all for the sake of company policy. What did that make him? Some kind of heartless Scrooge?

Thus, he had been motivated to hire Holly by guilt. Well, at least in part. He knew she was competent and would likely be a good fit for the job. He might not have been so quick to make that decision, however, if it were not for his role in causing the downfall in her relationship with Michael. He wanted to make up for that, to be able to apologize in some sort of way. He had caused one negative event in her life, and now he wanted to be the source of a positive one. He had offered her the job. And he had hoped that it would be a way to set things right.


	9. see in all directions

**A/N:** New layout on this site gets under my skin for some reason.

* * *

_I wish we could open our eyes to see in all directions at the same time._

- "Marching Bands of Manhattan" by Death Cab for Cutie

One morning at work at work several days later, Holly walked by David's office. She walked in and said hello.

"Busy morning?" She asked.

"Holly," he replied, looking distracted, "Yeah, it is. Kind of."

In truth, things were going slowly and he didn't have a lot to do, but his mind was elsewhere. Currently, the job was one of the last things on his mind.

"You've got that look," she mused.

"What's that?"

"It's like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Anything I can help with?"

"Just some personal stuff I've been thinking about. I'll be fine."

"Alright," she nodded and turned to leave.

He hesitated and then called her back, "Hey Holly?"

"Yeah?" she turned around again.

"Do you think a positive event can make up for a negative one?" he asked, looking earnest.

She paused momentarily, "It depends on what the two events in question are, but I think it's possible."

He nodded, "Thanks, Holly."

She furrowed her brow, "You sure you're alright, David?"

"Yeah. I will be."

* * *

Later that morning, Holly's phone vibrated, signaling that she had a text message. She smiled upon seeing it was from Sarah.

_Hey Holl! I've got a business mtg in NYC later today, wanna do lunch?_

_Sounds like a plan. Lemme know when you hit the city._

Several hours later, she and Sarah were sitting in a Thai restaurant not too far from Recollection Publishing. Holly smiled. Sarah had found a job in DC after Dunder Mifflin had gone under, and they kept in touch regularly and had gotten together several times since everything had happened, but it was always nice to see her friend in person.

"So," Sarah said.

Holly raised an eyebrow, "So."

"How's everything with your man from Scranton?" she teased lightly.

"Sarah, he's not…we're not together," Holly stumbled out in reply.

Sarah nodded, sensing Holly's sensitivity about the subject, "Have you remembered anything new, Holl?"

"No, but Michael describes things in such detail, it's almost as though I remember being there. And even though I only met…or re-met, I suppose, him a few weeks ago, I think he's becoming my best friend here in the city."

"Which makes sense, Holl. Like I've told you, back when you were in Scranton, we'd talk on the phone and you would tell me about Michael. You guys were close before. Your brain may not remember, but I bet your heart does."

"Yeah," Holly replied "You know, I don't know how I ever would have gotten through this whole discovering that I've forgotten ordeal if it weren't for you. I mean, I guess I'm still going through it, but you made the first few weeks a heck of a lot easier."

"Always," Sarah responded, smiling, "So how are you doing otherwise?"

"Good. I'm still liking the job."

"How's Wallace doing?"

"He's still acting weird sometimes. Almost like he's got some crime to make up for. And he was asking me about redemption earlier. Very unexpected."

"You know, I could kind of see Wallace trying to save people," Sarah mused.

"With a total Christ-like persona," Holly added.

Sarah laughed, "Says the atheist."

She grinned, "Hey, hey."

* * *

Holly entered her apartment and leaned against the front door. She sighed and slowly slid down until she sat on the floor, knees pressed tightly against her chest. She'd had the perfect morning. Michael was sweet and fun, and he was quickly becoming her best friend in New York. This morning they had gone out to breakfast and then walked through Central Park. Holly couldn't deny that that they had a strong connection: their conversations rarely lagged, and she was completely comfortable around him. When she and Michael were together, things just felt right.

He felt like home. It wasn't the first time she'd had that thought, but before now she hadn't allowed herself to reflect on what that might really mean. As Sarah had told her earlier, feeling connected to Michael made sense because of the prior relationship they had shared. But what did all of this mean for the present day? The first relationship she had shared with Michael had ended. She'd married AJ, and that clouded her perspective on things with Michael.

What did it mean that she had been married to AJ? Was that supposed to make her feel less connected to Michael? Should she feel guilty about finding another man she felt close to after AJ had died? Was she being disloyal to him?

And then there was the matter of telling Michael about AJ. Was it something that she should tell Michael? Was she in the wrong for not saying anything about it, at least not yet?

She wasn't sure what she should do about any of this, and it made her nervous. She wanted – needed – perspective.

* * *

The New York City skyline was right in front of Holly as she sat on the top of a grassy hill in Central Park later that evening. She started at the purple sunset that seemed to touch the top of the buildings as she collected her thoughts.

"Holly?" a familiar voice asked.

She turned around, "Hey. What are you doing here?"

"This is kind of my place," Michael replied as he sat next to her, "I come here to chillax."

"Yeah, it's a good thinking place. So, how was work?"

"It was fun," Michael replied. Generally, he didn't work weekends, but there were two birthday parties that he'd needed to tend to at the skating rink after they'd had breakfast that morning. "So what were you thinking about? Um. If you don't mind me asking?"

"Life, and how it can take surprising turns, " Holly replied, still looking thoughtful.

Michael nodded in earnest agreement.

"Michael?"

"Yeah?"

"You've done a lot of talking about us, but now I should probably tell you something about me."

"Ok, go for it," Michael said encouragingly, sensing her nervousness.

"I don't know if you knew of an AJ from the Nashua branch."

"Yeah. He was in sales. You and he were…."

"We were together, yeah. And I eventually married him. We had our trials, but I loved him. He was…he used to be my other half," she exhaled sharply, "He died right before I moved here."

Michael looked shocked, "Oh, geeze, Holly, I'm so sorry."

"It was a drunk driver," she said softly, "I hated it afterward. I mean, I'd just lost AJ, which was awful enough in itself, and people kept acting like I was going to break. I really hated it, Michael. Losing him was so hard, but I'm not porcelain. I don't break that easily."

"I know you don't, Holl," he replied just as softly.

"Things were really rough for a while. Still are at times."

Michael nodded.

"Can I ask you something?" he spoke tentatively.

"Of course."

"Your wedding ring….it's none of my business and I'm probably too nosy for my own good, but…"

"It's here," she explained as she pulled the chain from under her shirt, revealing the diamond ring she wore around her neck, "He's gone, and I get that, but I haven't been able to take it off. Not completely, anyway."

"That...that makes sense," Michael replied, "I get that. You have a part of him, still, that way."

She nodded and was silent momentarily.

"Michael, there's more."

"Ok," he looked very concerned.

"I mean, maybe I shouldn't….I don't want to lay all of this on you all at once like this. I debated and debated with myself, but I couldn't not…as much as I love it here, sometimes you're one of the few things that makes sense, so telling you these things feels right, but —"

He took her hand, "Hey. I'm not ever going anywhere unless you want me to. So I promise you that it's ok to tell me whatever it is that you want to tell me."

"We'd been trying to have kids, and it didn't happen for the longest time. It finally did, right before…the accident," Her voice broke, "but after he was gone I miscarried."

"Oh, Holly," Michael said with heartbreak that matched the one on her crying face. He pulled her into his arms, and they were quiet other than her occasional sobs

They had been like that for what felt like some time when it began to rain. The water quickly built up speed as it came down, soaking both of them.

"Let's get out of this weather, ok?" Michael suggested as they both got to their feet.

She nodded, and as they walked down the hill Michael sadly reflected on the fact that he now knew what had caused Holly to have such sad eyes.

* * *

I just feel the need to expound on a few things:

Last scene took quite a while to write, but I'm really satisfied with the end result. Although Michael was everyone's favorite idiot for the majority of his time on the show, Holly definitely helped him grow, which I think is reflected here. Also, he still loves Holly very much and wants to be there for her, thus resulting in his lack of freaking out over Holly marrying AJ when he can tell she's distraught.

Yes, Holly breaks down here, but after this stuff happened to her she was ultimately able to carry on after these things happened. Hence the "I'm not porcelain" comment.

And finally, I'm sure you notice the review button, and it's getting lonely these days. Hint, hint. (:


	10. you're in my veins

_You're in my veins, and I cannot get you out_.

- "In My Veins" by Andrew Belle

"When did I become lame?" Kelly asked as she flopped down on Erin's couch.

"Aww Kelly. You're totally not."

"We just went clubbing and I didn't want to dance with anyone at all."

"Ok, well, yeah…that is unusual for you. What's up?"

"I don't _know_. I just feel like…so turned off by dating or even dancing with guys recently. I kinda feel like…like I've already had the right one but I lost him, but I have no idea who it is."

"Not Ryan."

"No! Ew, no! He was so weird toward the end and he was such a self-centered ass."

"Darryl?" Erin suggested.

"I don't know…no…I mean, he was cool, but there was just something…missing."

"Someone else, then."

"Yeah," Kelly sighed, "Anyway, it's so awesome that you moved here! We haven't even talked that much recently…that means we totally have a lot to catch up on."

* * *

Holly woke up feeling very cozy and rested. Sunlight was streaming through the blinds as she glanced and surveyed the room. She frowned as she realized that she wasn't in her apartment.

Twin bed. Blue checkered bedspread. Black and white framed NHL poster. She smiled slightly as she realized that she was in Michael's guest room

She snuggled back under the blankets as she reflected on that had happened during the prior night.

* * *

"We've gotta get ourselves indoors," Michael had commented as they left the park, "My apartment? It's closer."

Holly had nodded, and a few moments later they had entered his building. When they'd reached the elevator, Michael had pressed the button.

Holly had been quiet the entire time.

"Hey," Michael had said as they stepped inside the elevator. He squeezed her hand reassuringly.

She had given him a weak smile, "Hey."

"Alrighty," Michael had said as they'd stepped into his apartment, "Our clothes are both soaked. That won't work. I have a solution, though, I think."

He had gestured for her to follow him.

They had entered into what inevitably was his bedroom: a queen sized bed with a deep blue bedspread along with framed posters for _Threat Level Midnight_ and season four of _Entourage_.

Michael had made his way to his dresser and had pulled out several items of clothing. He'd handed Holly a t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants.

"So these might kind of fit you. I accidentally shrunk the pants awhile back, so they're a bit smaller than the rest of my stuff," he'd said, "And then I'll put our regular clothes in the dryer."

"Sounds like a plan," she had replied.

"You can change here," he had offered, "I'll take the bathroom."

"Ok," Holly had replied. She had slipped out of her wet clothes and into Michael's oversized ones, snagging a rubber band that was on Michael's dresser to help hold the pants up.

She had spotted a framed picture on his dresser. It was the two of them and what she had presumed was the rest of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. They were all standing on a scale – this must have been taken at the weight loss competition he had told her about the other day.

It was just like Michael to keep a memento from Scranton like that. Holly had been able to tell that he had genuinely cared for the majority of his co-workers. It seemed to her that if you made it into Michael's good graces, you had a loyal friend for life. She liked that.

* * *

"Hey," Michael had said, emerging into the kitchen from the area with his washer and dryer.

"Whatcha up to?" he'd asked upon seeing Holly bustling about busily.

"I figured I'd make myself useful," she had replied as she handed him a cup, "Hot chocolate?"

"This is the most spectacular hot chocolate I've ever seen in my entire life," Michael had said upon taking the cup. He looked awed. Holly had added whipped cream and red sprinkles, as well as a single white chocolate chip in the center, to the concoction.

"Yeah, well, you've got quite the kitchen full of sweets for me to work with," she'd smiled, "And I thought we could use something warm after being caught in that rain."

Michael had nodded and led her into the living room. They had sat down on the couch, both sipping at their hot chocolate.

"So," Holly had said, "Thanks for not freaking out back there."

He'd nodded sincerely, "Anytime you have anything you wanna get off your chest, I'm here."

"You know," she had reflected, "You're the first person I've ever really told. Everyone else who knows was kind of around in Nashua when this happened so they just sort of knew.

Michael had nodded again.

"I just…I'm glad you know."

"Glad you told me," he had paused momentarily, "So are you ok? I mean, kind of ok? After all of that?"

She had taken a deep breath. He'd tentatively offered her his hand, and she took it.

"I'm getting there," she'd said, "Sometimes it hurts a little less since I moved here. I mean, it's still there, but there's not quite as many reminders here."

"You know one of the first things I thought when I saw you? After the shock of the fact that I was actually seeing you?"

"Hmm?"

"That you looked so sad."

"Mike…"

"I mean, it wasn't an obvious thing," he had continued, "But I had known you so well…your eyes just looked so sad and it was like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders. And whoever had done that to you, I wanted to personally punch their face in. So I guess I'll have to go after biology and a drunk driver."

She had smiled slightly.

"I would, too," he had said, "Really, though, I just wanted you to be not sad."

"You…you make it better," she had told him, hesitant at first, and then smiling. His expression mirrored hers. The last thing Holly remembered was the two of them in comfortable silence on the couch, her hand still in his. She must have fallen asleep like that.

* * *

She left the guest bedroom and was immediately greeted with the smell of pancakes. She found a pajama clad Michael in the kitchen, working at the stove.

"Good morning, milday," he greeted her cheerfully.

"Hey," she said, giving him a smile, "Need me to do anything?"

"Sit," he gestured to the table, "I'm almost done here. Besides, women staying overnight at the casa de Scott are always treated like royalty."

There was an awkward pause.

"Oh god, that came out wrong! Sheesh, why am I such an idiot?"

"Nah, it's alright," she said good-naturedly.

"For the record, there haven't been a lot…of women. Not since I moved here. I just…haven't been able to find anyone that I clicked with…like that…for a while."

"What, no great ice rink romances?" she teased.

"Nope. Well, not _yet,_ anyway," he smiled at her.

"I've gotta sort through some things, but I wouldn't necessarily be opposed to such a thing," she said, also smiling.

* * *

The Threat Level Midnight poster was drawn by Pam and given to Michael on the day DM closed...just for the record. (:


End file.
